If the Equality Act 2010 prohibits discrimination against transgender children in schools, why does the new ‘guidance’ for schools suggest that it is okay to deadname and misgender them? Should a man who has been seen mocking trans women be making decisions on how best to support transgender children? Thankfully this is guidance and not law, but how many schools will stand up and support the children in their care while the media continue to spread lies and manipulate public opinion?
It’s a scary time for the LGBTQ+ population as what sounds like a new Section 28 is being discussed, and that’s without even considering the terrifying news that keeps coming out of certain parts of America. As a parent the new guidance keeps circling around in my head. The potential damage is catastrophic. Only one of my three children remains in school and she most definitely currently identifies as ‘she’ and I don’t see that changing. Being part of the LGBTQ+ community, with a firm stance that the ‘T’ is most definitely part of that, I would like to think that if any of my children had been questioning their gender that the school would not need to inform me because I would already know, but I am also aware that this might be wishful thinking. Sometimes our children have secrets and things they are trying to work out for themselves, regardless of whether they are safe to share that, they might not want to just yet. If I was informed, I know that I would be supportive. Like many parents I would be scared for them, worried about what their life will look like and whether they will feel safe to walk down the street, but they would be safe in my home and I would do my very best to make sure they were safe everywhere else too. But I have seen plenty of examples where this is most definitely not the case. What about those children? The ones that might have it ‘beaten out of them’, the ones that might be mentally abused as a result, the ones that might decide they have no other option but to remove themselves from the situation. It happens, let’s not pretend it doesn’t.
The idea that the Head can say no to protect other children is ludicrous, what impact is there on other children? And don’t tell me that they are scared little girls will be abused in toilets. I have a child in school and I can tell you the toilets are the most regulated places in that building. They are already not allowed to go during lessons without a chaperone and the doors are guarded during breaks, supposedly to ensure they are not wasting time with their mates or smoking and vaping. Plus, the girls are just being abused elsewhere, but that’s okay, because they have regular assembly’s about that, which I am sure will fix the problem. Note the sarcasm.
The idea that it is okay to remove a safe space from children that might not feel they have it anywhere else is horrifying. Especially as research quite clearly notes that suicidality is high amongst transgender youths and that this is impacted by school belonging and emotional neglect by parents (Austin et al, 2020), and that transgender and non-binary youths are less likely to attempt suicide if their gender identities are affirmed and respected (The Trevor Project, 2021).
Then there is the transgender staff in these schools, what is this guidance saying to people about the way they can treat them?
I truly hope that schools will stand up against this ‘guidance’ and continue to support their transgender students in a way that enables them to feel their gender identity is respected, and I fervently hope that we eventually get leaders who support rather than mock minorities, but maybe that is again wishful thinking!
Category: Uncategorized
Review: Juno Dawson ‘Her Majesty’s Royal Coven’ – much more to the book than it’s beautiful cover!
I can’t lie, one of the reasons I was attracted to this book was the bright pink cover. Not the best way to choose reading material generally but what can I say, we were visiting the LGBTQ+ wonders of Manchester, slightly hungover after a night on Canal Street, and there were just so many options in front of me. I had seen some posts on Twitter that intrigued me, again the cover probably helped by drawing my attention when scrolling, but there is most definitely more to this book than its cover.
It is so difficult to write a review about this book without drawing parallels to or mentioning another witch/wizard writer, however the last thing I want to do is celebrate that author in any way so I will refer to her only as She Who Shall Not Be Named or SWSNBN. This novel is everything that was lacking in those written by SWSNBN. It celebrates queer lifestyles, whilst drawing attention to prejudice and discrimination, from both inside and outside of the LGBTQ+ community. The key themes couldn’t be more relevant in today’s society and political landscape. It has all the fantasy and escapism you’d want from a witchy story, with a message that actually matters. As I was reading it, I couldn’t help but think how much of a difference it would make to the attitudes of the next generation if they grew up reading this instead. I also couldn’t help but think this is everything the likes of SWSNBN argues against. I wonder if instead of Twitter posts, online debate and protests, this book should instead just be sent to the GC lot and be done with it. A prettily presented overview (I know not everybody loves bright pink) of some of the key arguments surrounding gender, sexuality and discrimination, packaged in an enjoyable but thought provoking read.
I fell in love with the characters early on, always a good start. I could identify with them, and not just because many of them are lesbians, but also because they felt like real people, with defining characteristics I recognised from the friendship groups around me. Who amongst us didn’t have, or wish they had, a coven around them as a teenager? There are quite a few characters to try and get your head around initially, but Juno Dawson does a fantastic job of providing those hooks that allow you to build and define the cast in your head. Even those that turn out to be the ‘villains’ (I’m trying not to give too much away) have lovable qualities to them that help with building an understanding of where the seeds of their views may have come from, even where there is no level of agreement with their actions. When I first started reading it, I did wonder whether it was going to be a little ‘young’ for me, but it didn’t take me long to decide that wasn’t the case. I read most of the book in one day and was distraught to find I would have to wait so long for the next one.
Her Majesty’s Royal Coven is the first in a series and I am eagerly awaiting HMRC: The Shadow Cabinet. I have also informed my partner that she needs to read it quickly because I want to talk about it, but don’t want to give the story away. I have tried so hard not to do that in this review, which means it is a little light on detail, but if you haven’t read it, you will thank me. Now go and read it!
I’ve done my time. I have my lesbian wings. Now it is time to use them!
I haven’t written in this blog since 2019, how is that even possible? The world feels like a very different place, and life has moved on so much that re-reading some of the blogs is like reading about someone else entirely. I have been thinking of reinvigorating the blog recently for many reasons, some exciting reasons, such as the start of our new LGBTQ+ business endeavours, some not so good, including a slight sense of impending doom for the LGBTQ+ community when looking at the political landscape, but re-reading my last blog made my mind up.
In my last blog in 2019 I was joking about developing a lesbian fast-track programme because my partner said I had to live the lesbian lifestyle for 5 years before I was officially a lesbian (joking obviously), and I didn’t want to wait 5 years to get my wings. Clearly the programme did not take off (there is a pun in there somewhere…wings) and the world turned into an interesting place for a while, where it was more important to remain Covid free than create pretty rainbow wings, but somehow I appear to have reached the 5-year mark (or there abouts anyway) and I think it is time to reflect. Not that I do actually fully agree with labels, I’m far more of a believer in spectrums and sexual fluidity than boxes, but labels have their value, and it is one of the ones I am reasonably comfortable with. I’m sure at some point I will share more about my thoughts on that one, although I must admit these days it will be with an awareness of a potential backlash, but more on that another time. This time I want to share my entry into the community. Not my coming out story, again that one probably needs its own blog and a lot of thought, but more a reflection on how wonderful engaging with the LGBTQ+ community has been over the last year or so, and how much I’ve enjoyed building that into my identity.
This year my partner and I decided to start a small business. Like many of you in the community I’m sure, we have stood in card shops searching for a card on Valentine’s Day/Christmas/Birthdays that fits our same-sex relationship. Knowing that the one in there is likely to already have been bought by the other one of us. Every year I searched at Christmas for gifts that somehow acknowledged us as a couple. Don’t get me wrong, we could find some, but often they were not gifts I would be happy opening or displaying in front of my Nanna. A mug with a cat saying ‘lesbians eat what?’ makes me laugh, but I can picture the thought process working its way across my Nanna’s face and I remove it from my basket. I wanted things that said ‘gay’, without saying GAY. Not because I was embarrassed, but because I wasn’t, and I didn’t want to be. I was also missing using my creative side. I had been incredibly thankful that my career in higher education meant that I was employed throughout Covid, but like many other sectors, education made for an incredibly stressful pandemic, and I was worn out and in search of an outlet.
So, sat in Costco carpark, my partner and I discussed the idea of designing, developing and sourcing our own range of inclusive gifts and cards, with the LGBTQ+ community in mind. And Deliciously Diverse Gifts and Cards was born. The stock range has evolved drastically since our first discussions. We had been thinking gifts with some sort of nod to the various flags, but that weren’t in your face as we ‘don’t all fart rainbows’, and cards that weren’t gendered but were again subtle. I thoroughly enjoyed making the hand-finished canvasses, adding gorgeous rainbow colours and sparkle. Making the things that would have appealed to us really I suppose. And padding them out with other bits, sourced elsewhere that we found pretty. But I have one of those obsessive personalities and currently I have an obsession with resin. I absolutely adore our rainbow resin dominoes sets, am loving making the rainbow chess set that I may never want to part with, and I get really excited when I get the Etsy ping saying someone has favourited, or even better bought, a wonderful ‘Pocket Penis’. Some of our stock proudly screams rainbow, others are not really Nanna friendly, and we are learning constantly. but the best bit has been attending all the Pride events as stallholders and really starting to feel like a part of the community.
We were quite nervous for our first event in York. Preparations seemed to take forever. I had a million lists (how anyone manages without lists I will never know). But it was brilliant. Since then we have been to around 14 events, all different and enjoyable for their own reasons, and we have felt welcomed at them all. We have had the chance to meet so many amazing people, including other stall holders and the event organisers like the wonderful Julie and Wayne from Sent with Pride, we have seen so many great acts perform like the Vegan Queens and Gabriella Pined-Rodrigues (divainafurcoat) and we have soaked up the atmosphere. I feel like I have finally entered the community properly and keep looking for new ways to engage where I can.
Which sort of brings me to the other reason I decided to continue blogging as the Unlikely Lesbian. It is an amazing community but currently it seems like it is under threat again. My Twitter feed is full of anxiety around the political stance people are taking around gender and the trans community and I keep seeing posts about increased homophobic or transphobic behaviour. I was lucky enough to enter this world at a point where I didn’t really have to worry about walking down the street holding hands with my partner. I don’t think anyone should have to worry about walking down the street ever. I know there were still some interesting attitudes out there. I’m not naive enough to think that the UK no longer includes people with differing and sometimes highly offensive views and opinions around sexuality and gender, but people seemed to be able to at least keep them to themselves, knowing it was neither socially acceptable nor legitimised to act on these. I would hate to see that change and I can feel the political debate around transgender and equality is starting to legitimise these people’s feelings towards the community. If the government say it’s not okay to be something, then surely they can say it too. I can see this hardening some people’s views towards the trans community and that’s worrying. The community needs to stand together. I watch programmes and read up around the history of the LGBTQ+ community and it is apparent throughout that we are stronger together, and that fear of the unknown can be changed through knowing. It may be a very small thing but now I have my wings I intend on using them where I can. Even if it is only currently to share bits about me. I am hoping my blogs help reinforce that there is nothing to be feared from difference. I am just as able to raise children, contribute to the economy, and community, maintain friendships and relationships, and occasionally be amusing as the next person, regardless of who I choose to have a relationship with. I also make amazing rainbow dominoes!
I know that one was a little heavy and soap box like so thank you to all that have read this far! If you have and you aren’t already following our shop, then here is a shameless plug for Deliciously Diverse Gifts and Cards…
Twitter @delicious_gift
Instagram @deliciouslydiverse2022
Facebook @Deliciously Diverse
Website https://deliciouslydiversegiftsandcards.myshopify.com/
Etsy DeliciouslyDiverse
Don’t worry, not all posts will include plugs. And hopefully some of them will actually be funny!
Am I even a real lesbian if my nanna doesn’t think so?
I had a funny moment recently with my lovely nanna. She’s an amazing lady my nanna but she doesn’t really get the lesbian thing, particularly as I do have an ex husband and 3 children from previous heterosexual relationships. I think she prefers to not think about it, doesn’t really need to know the ins and outs and I know she worries about saying the wrong thing but she loves me regardless and that’s all that matters. Plus every now and again it results in some very amusing one liners that are hilarious, even if she’s not entirely sure why we’re all laughing.
It was a long story, one not worth sharing, but for reasons beyond being worthwhile explaining here, I bought my girlfriend a picture of a half dressed woman and got it framed as one of her Christmas presents. It was supposed to be a joke but is actually very pretty and currently hanging in our bedroom.
My nanna came to visit before we had hung it, it was just sat in the living room, in front of a stack of other pictures waiting to be hung, brazenly showing slightly far too much flesh for consumption by a member of the older generation who giggles like a school girl at times but at others personifies the word ‘prude’. Although I did once manage to get her to say the 7 words that shouldn’t be said on television as part of a research project for my degree, but that’s a whole other nanna story. I saw her eye it up a couple of times but I thought it would only draw more attention to it if I moved it, or covered it up. She did eventually ask about the pictures, saying she assumed that was one my girlfriends and I just sat there thinking, yes nanna because only one of us in the lesbian relationship likes girls.
I, of course, smiled sweetly and agreed, well I wasn’t lying, it isn’t mine. If she feels the need to ignore the fact that being in a relationship with a woman might mean I like women then fair enough, she’s not hurting anyone. We all tell ourselves little lies sometimes that mean we don’t have to think too hard, I mean honestly, I’m sure we all manage to persuade ourselves that we were born out of the immaculate conception rather than think about the alternative.
The Unlikely Lesbian 